Vent...

Since my blog is now private, I feel I can vent and not as many people will know im upset! lol...

Well I need to vent about something and its been my life for almost a year now. Its only going to get worse as the heat comes and school gets out. I will be stuck home all day everyday with 2 kids and no car. My kids will be cooped up in the house and won't be able to go out and play because it gets too hot. I won't be able to go to the pool cause we can't get our new pool key because our landlord is behind in HOA fees. The account has been sent to collections so I doubt he is going to pay it if he hasn't by now.

Sure I have friends with cars, but who really wants to ask a friend anytime they need or want to go somewhere if they can hitch a ride with their two kids. Since school will be out, people won't have as much room in their cars now that all their kids will be home now as well. Not many people will have 3 extra seatbelts available. Sure I can walk to the pool. Again though, I have no pool key and probably wont be getting one. That was my only saving grace for this summer. The only thing I was relying on being able to do to get myself and the kids out of the house.

The other thing? I dont feel like I have much sympathy from the hubs. He has no clue what its like to be cooped up everyday and not see the outdoors until its dark out...He could do it for a day or two im sure, but knowing that its only for a day or two. This is my life. I LOVE my life. I love my boys, I love my hubs, I love my home. I DONT love our car situation. I feel trapped. I feel claustrophobic. Its depresses me. I know that if we had the money Jer would buy me a car in a heartbeat. I am grateful for all he does to support our family.

Its hard to not be able to leave during the day. To run to the store for one last ingredient for dinner. To be able to go pick up some meds for a sick friend, to be able to meet the girls for lunch, to be able to run to target for more diapers. Taking Kasen to swim lessons. Wish I could, but I dont have a car everyday to do that. My kid is almost 6 and can't swim. To run Quinn to the Dr for his umpteenth ear infection.... Little things like that. Even if I didn't use the car everyday, just the satisfaction of knowing that its in the garage if I need it, would make a world of a difference. I would feel a lot more free.

The one free day I do have is Thursday. Thats the day I plan everything and run errands and do everything. That is the day I don't relax and don't sit down. The hubby works from home that day and I get the car. I am go go go go go all day long.

Im just having a hard time realizing that school ends this week and I will feel more trapped than ever with 2 kids at home through the WHOLE summer, with no car.

I know it could be worse, I really do. We could have NO car at all. For that I am grateful...that we do have 1 car. But this is my life as I know it. I know there are other people in the same situation as me, but this is me and I am feeling trapped today and I came here to vent. Thanks for listening. Thanks for reading.