These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid.
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
(I know that not all attorneys say stuff like this, Lyndsay I am SURE you are great at what you do)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down by court reporters.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Spencer and Heidi will be on the TYRA BANKS show on Tuesday. Apprently they talk about Lauren's "tape" and whether its really out there and they talk about Heidi and Lauren being friends. That's just what I read anyway, but I know for sure they will be on. I have it taped already.
For me, its on the CW at 11am. She has two episodes on that day I had to look for this one. Good luck and happy watching!
Posted by Brittany at 5:11 PM
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tonight we went out for Hiedi's birthday. She is 27 now! Woo hoo! We had so much fun. I love giggling and it came so naturally for us to be together without feeling awkward or like we were trying too hard. I have known Hiedi for almost 7 years now but we really don't know each other THAT well. She dated my brothers friend Pete. Pete came to my wedding and so Hiedi came too. Little did I know that years down the road we would still be friends and hanging out. Crystal, Hiedi and I went to Mimis Cafe for dinner. Then we went to Target. lol...
Nicely done Hiedi! lol
I have now decided I need to go tanning.
Posted by Brittany at 10:20 PM
You know I like Lauren. I have always said I like her. But I totally agree with this article. Time to forgive and forget and MOVE on. If you don't want to be friends with Heidi, then don't, but don't me immature about it either.
Read this article.
Do you agree with the article?
Posted by Brittany at 11:14 AM
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
What's your favorite OOPS and why?
Posted by Brittany at 10:48 AM
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
He thought his bucket was full but cheap mommy wouldnt let him be done until the strawberries were overflowing from the top
Showing off the end results (and playing in the dirt a little bit too)
Posted by Brittany at 7:26 PM
Monday, April 21, 2008
Posted by Brittany at 11:06 AM
Kasen before the walk.
We just walked right along the coast the whole time. It was so beautiful!
Pretty good for just randomly throwing my hand up and taking a picture without seeing.
LDS Moms of North County Team. (one stroller is hidden behind the girls)
All us girls, Kasen snuck out of his stroller to get a peak at the hotties.
When the walk was over, we got back and a band was playing. Kasen has super sensitive ears and wasn't fond of the 12 year old singing.
After the walk.
THANK YOU to all those girls who walked with me for such an important cause. Thank you to all those who supported me. Thank you to all those who donated, family and friends. You guys are great, I am blessed to have all of you in my life. Especially Kasen. :)
Posted by Brittany at 10:30 AM
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Our playgroup went to the Carlsbad Flower Fields on Monday afternoon. It's been a long week, sorry for those I have promised the photos to, I am just now getting around to doing them.
Just ignore the DO NOT CROSS tape, we got in trouble for it.
In FRONT of the DO NOT CROSS tape! We learned our lesson.
Kasen, Ethan and Brielle playing ring around the rosie
Aww tender, yet cheesey!
Posted by Brittany at 4:58 PM
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Posted by Brittany at 5:38 PM
Saturday, April 12, 2008
This isn't meant to make you feel better, only to let you know there are others who have experienced what you have.
At the San Diego Temple a couple weeks ago in the bathroom with my friend Autumn.
I was standing at the mirror in my temple dress pulling my hair back. My arms were up in the air putting my hair in a pony tail. And this is how it happened:
Ignorant lady walks in (in her early 60's I would assume)
Ignorant Lady: Aww! I see you are expecting another little one, huh?
Britt: (I look in the mirror behind me to make sure I am the one she is talking to..yep the only one around) Actually, no I am not.
Ignorant Lady: Oh Susan! Why do you say things like that? Foot in mouth. Foot in mouth!
Britt: (awkwardly giggles) Well this is a maternity dress, I got it when I was pregnant with my son (mind you Kasen is 3.5 years old now)
Ignorant Lady: Oh, so your son must not be old enough for you to have lost all your baby weight yet, am I at least right on that one?
Britt: (holding back all agression seeing as how I am in the temple) No, actually my son is 3. I've had plenty of time to lose the weight.
Ignorant Lady: (feeling flat out ridiculous at this point, I would hope) Well I'm still trying to work off some weight. I've got babies that are your age.
Britt: Oh ok. (at this point I am raging and needing to leave, my friend Autumn is snickering in the stall next to me.)
How can people put their foot in their mouth SO far? How does it fit? I am over it, but really? I agree, don't ask unless you feel my baby kicking! Don't ask unless you see me bent over in pain groaning about how the baby is coming. Some people!
Posted by Brittany at 12:14 PM
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thank you to Jeremy for watching Kasen so that I could have a night out with my friends! You are the best babe! I love you.
Posted by Brittany at 5:30 PM
Saturday, April 5, 2008
So I just told him to smile for the camera cause I thought he looked cute with his hat on. Well, he squatted, threw out his arms, and a few choice fingers. Nice.
So we tried again, SMILE...nope, he thought I said ACT LIKE A MONKEY. I can see how those sound a like. Silly Kasen.
Posted by Brittany at 6:18 PM
Im bummed because the video is a little dark. Bailey seriously cracks me up. She gets really hyper sometimes and starts running laps around the house. She makes her own obstacle course around the couches and through the chairs and under the tables. It's SO funny. Kasen REALLY gets excited to play with her and gets really loud and hyper. (If you can't tell) I am so glad we have Bailey. She makes me so happy. I love her to death.
Posted by Brittany at 11:38 AM
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Ok, so I REALLY don't mean to be rude when I say this....but what kind of white trash cake is this? First off, the color is putrid! Second, they messed up the letter H, tried to wipe the green off the white and didn't succeed, then just wrote over it...nope can't tell. Third, I am not trying to be dumb, or brag or anything like that, but really? The writing? Kasen can HONESTLY write better than that. Kasen, just a reminder is 3!
I can't help but laugh! Bridget laughed too so I don't feel guilty laughing. That is hilarious. What quality work you get from Dairy Queen!
Posted by Brittany at 7:36 PM
A- Attached or single: Attached
B- Best Friend: Jeremy
C-Cake or Pie: Pie
D- Day of Choice: Definitely Saturday..Jeremy is home then
E-Essential Items- make up and chapstick
F-Favorite Color: I dont have one, Kasen asked me that just yesterday and I made up a color because I honestly don't have one
G- Gummi Bears or Worms: bears
H- Hometown: Vista, Ca.
I- Indulgence(s): smoothies, M&M peanuts, popcorn and I have to say right now? shirts...
J- January or July: July with a/c
L-Life is incomplete without: Jeremy and Kasen, the gospel too
M- Marriage Date: Dec. 22, 2001
N- Number of Siblings: 6 bro, 3 sis.
O- Oranges or Apples: I really like oranges better, but they give me heartburn, so I eat apples
P- Phobias or Fears: claustrophobia (I freaked out on the Nemo ride), spiders, going under water, getting sick, being restrained, the list could go on and on
Q- Quote(s): the one I really like right now is: "How children see things, depends on what we teach them"
R- Reason To Smile: my miracle of a little boy
S- Season: Spring, not too hot, not too cold
T- Tag Six: Bridget, Autumn, Chris, Jenny, Cassidy, Jeanine
U- Unknown Fact About Me: I play tennis left handed, bat right handed, golf right handed, play the guitar right handed, and write left handed.
V- Veggies or Fruit: Fruit
W- Worst Habit: eating dessert after every meal
X- X-Rays or Ultrasounds: yeah I dont really like xrays at this point. Im going with ultrasound
Y- Your Favorite Food: I have 5 staple favorite foods: tortellini, popcorn, cucumbers, cherries, sauteed mushrooms (eggs used to be one, but since I am lactose intolerant now, I have lost my love for them)
Z: Zodiac: Libra
Posted by Brittany at 12:46 PM
Just an update for those who have read my last post. Kasen woke up......
Posted by Brittany at 9:54 AM
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
My son is 3.5 (just about) and has eaten his FIRST hot dog today. It took much convincing and bribing, but he ate it. I can't believe it. Those who know Kasen KNOW that this is a HUGE feat for him. My poor little boy is NOT interested in food one bit. It's not just that he is picky, he just has better things to do than eat. Even if it's just sitting there staring at the wall. To him? Much better than eating. But he ate a hot dog tonight! I can't believe it. Really can't believe it!
Yes, I realize it's not the most flattering picture of Kasen, but the most exciting thing here is what's on the plate. Concentrate on the PLATE!
Also- Kasen went to bed with UNDERWEAR on tonight for the first time. Not a pull up. Wish me luck! lol
Posted by Brittany at 8:19 PM